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There
are a lot of tough aspects to being President. But there are some perks
too. Meeting extraordinary people across the country. Holding an office
where you get to make a difference in the life of our nation. Air Force
One. But
perhaps the greatest unexpected gift of this job has been living above
the store. For many years my life was consumed by long commutes—from my
home in Chicago to Springfield, Illinois, as a state senator, and then
to Washington, D.C., as a United States senator. It’s often meant I had
to work even harder to be the kind of husband and father I want to be. But
for the past seven and a half years, that commute has been reduced to
45 seconds—the time it takes to walk from my living room to the Oval
Office. As a result, I’ve been able to spend a lot more time watching my
daughters grow up into smart, funny, kind, wonderful young women. That
isn’t always easy, either—watching them prepare to leave the nest. But
one thing that makes me optimistic for them is that this is an
extraordinary time to be a woman. The progress we’ve made in the past
100 years, 50 years, and, yes, even the past eight years has made life
significantly better for my daughters than it was for my grandmothers.
And I say that not just as President but also as a feminist.In
my lifetime we’ve gone from a job market that basically confined women
to a handful of often poorly paid positions to a moment when women not
only make up roughly half the workforce but are leading in every sector,
from sports to space, from Hollywood to the Supreme Court. I’ve
witnessed how women have won the freedom to make your own choices about
how you’ll live your lives—about your bodies, your educations, your
careers, your finances. Gone are the days when you needed a husband to
get a credit card. In fact, more women than ever, married or single, are
financially independent. So
we shouldn’t downplay how far we’ve come. That would do a disservice to
all those who spent their lives fighting for justice. At the same time,
there’s still a lot of work we need to do to improve the prospects of
women and girls here and around the world. And while I’ll keep working
on good policies—from equal pay for equal work to protecting
reproductive rights—there are some changes that have nothing to do with
passing new laws.In fact, the most important change may be the toughest of all—and that’s changing ourselves.
The Perk of a "45-Second Commute" The President has spent "a lot more time" watching Sasha and Malia (here, meeting Mac the Turkey in 2014) grow into women.
Official White House Photos by Pete Souza
This
is something I spoke about at length in June at the first-ever White
House Summit on the United State of Women. As far as we’ve come, all too
often we are still boxed in by stereotypes about how men and women
should behave. One of my heroines is Congresswoman Shirley Chisholm, who
was the first African American to run for a major party’s presidential
nomination. She once said, “The emotional, sexual, and psychological
stereotyping of females begins when the doctor says, ‘It’s a girl.’ ” We
know that these stereotypes affect how girls see themselves starting at
a very young age, making them feel that if they don’t look or act a
certain way, they are somehow less worthy. In fact, gender stereotypes
affect all of us, regardless of our gender, gender identity, or sexual
orientation.Now,
the most important people in my life have always been women. I was
raised by a single mom, who spent much of her career working to empower
women in developing countries. I watched as my grandmother, who helped
raise me, worked her way up at a bank only to hit a glass ceiling. I’ve
seen how Michelle has balanced the demands of a busy career and raising a
family. Like many working mothers, she worried about the expectations
and judgments of how she should handle the trade-offs, knowing that few
people would question my choices. And the reality was that when
our girls were young, I was often away from home serving in the state
legislature, while also juggling my teaching responsibilities as a law
professor. I can look back now and see that, while I helped out, it was
usually on my schedule and on my terms. The burden disproportionately
and unfairly fell on Michelle. So
I’d like to think that I’ve been pretty aware of the unique challenges
women face—it’s what has shaped my own feminism. But I also have to
admit that when you’re the father of two daughters, you become even more
aware of how gender stereotypes pervade our society. You see the subtle
and not-so-subtle social cues transmitted through culture. You feel the
enormous pressure girls are under to look and behave and even think a
certain way. And
those same stereotypes affected my own consciousness as a young man.
Growing up without a dad, I spent a lot of time trying to figure out who
I was, how the world perceived me, and what kind of man I wanted to be.
It’s easy to absorb all kinds of messages from society about
masculinity and come to believe that there’s a right way and a wrong way
to be a man. But as I got older, I realized that my ideas about being a
tough guy or cool guy just weren’t me. They were a manifestation of my
youth and insecurity. Life became a lot easier when I simply started
being myself. So
we need to break through these limitations. We need to keep changing
the attitude that raises our girls to be demure and our boys to be
assertive, that criticizes our daughters for speaking out and our sons
for shedding a tear. We need to keep changing the attitude that punishes
women for their sexuality and rewards men for theirs.We
need to keep changing the attitude that permits the routine harassment
of women, whether they’re walking down the street or daring to go
online. We need to keep changing the attitude that teaches men to feel
threatened by the presence and success of women.We
need to keep changing the attitude that congratulates men for changing a
diaper, stigmatizes full-time dads, and penalizes working mothers. We
need to keep changing the attitude that values being confident,
competitive, and ambitious in the workplace—unless you’re a woman. Then
you’re being too bossy, and suddenly the very qualities you thought were
necessary for success end up holding you back.We
need to keep changing a culture that shines a particularly unforgiving
light on women and girls of color. Michelle has often spoken about this.
Even after achieving success in her own right, she still held doubts;
she had to worry about whether she looked the right way or was acting
the right way—whether she was being too assertive or too “angry.” As
a parent, helping your kids to rise above these constraints is a
constant learning process. Michelle and I have raised our daughters to
speak up when they see a double standard or feel unfairly judged based
on their gender or race—or when they notice that happening to someone
else. It’s important for them to see role models out in the world who
climb to the highest levels of whatever field they choose. And yes, it’s
important that their dad is a feminist, because now that’s what they
expect of all men.
Ladies First
"Michelle and I have raised our daughters to speak up when they see a
double standard," says the President (here with his family at a 2016
U.S. state dinner).
Official White House Photos by Pete Souza
It
is absolutely men’s responsibility to fight sexism too. And as spouses
and partners and boyfriends, we need to work hard and be deliberate
about creating truly equal relationships. The
good news is that everywhere I go across the country, and around the
world, I see people pushing back against dated assumptions about gender
roles. From the young men who’ve joined our It’s On Us campaign to end
campus sexual assault, to the young women who became the first female
Army Rangers in our nation’s history, your generation refuses to be
bound by old ways of thinking. And you’re helping all of us understand
that forcing people to adhere to outmoded, rigid notions of identity
isn’t good for anybody—men, women, gay, straight, transgender, or
otherwise. These stereotypes limit our ability to simply be ourselves.This
fall we enter a historic election. Two hundred and forty years after
our nation’s founding, and almost a century after women finally won the
right to vote, for the first time ever, a woman is a major political
party’s presidential nominee. No matter your political views, this is a
historic moment for America. And it’s just one more example of how far
women have come on the long journey toward equality.I
want all of our daughters and sons to see that this, too, is their
inheritance. I want them to know that it’s never been just about the
Benjamins; it’s about the Tubmans too. And I want them to help do their
part to ensure that America is a place where every single child can make
of her life what she will. That’s what twenty-first century feminism is about: the idea that when everybody is equal, we are all more free.Barack Obama is the forty-fourth President of the United States
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